If you know me, you know I like to plan...and research! If I'm going to make a decision, I'm going to be fully informed and aware of every possible outcome before I jump in.
Moving forward with IVF/ICSI is not different.
In an effort to force my brain to absorb the concept that we aren't going to conceive naturally...or even semi-naturally, I've been doing research on just about everything I can think of.
Currently there are two main things that I'm concerned with.
1) The process leading up to ovarian stimulation, ER (egg retrieval) and ET (embryo transfer). I've found some pretty good blogs where women have charted their progress from day 1 through birth. Honestly, what they describe sounds pretty awful. Am I prepared to go through months of shots, nausea, extreme bloating (think: don't fit into your pants kind of bloating), endless hours traveling back and forth to the center for blood work, ultrasounds etc? All of this for the 55% chance that I MIGHT get pregnant...with who knows what percent chance that I'll carry a healthy baby to term. This is no small commitment. It's not for the weak of heart...mind or emotion.
2) Are we using artificial insemination as a way to create a baby that was never intended to be born? Here lies the real issue for me. Do I want to get pregnant and deliver my own biological child? Absolutely! Do I want to force the issue to create a child that we were never supposed to have, and who now has birth defects...or other major illnesses and challenges? I'm not so sure about that. Obviously IVF does not = automatic birth defects. However, I found the results of a study published in may of this year that seem to support the idea that IVF, specifically ICSI, does in fact increase the likelihood that our child will be born with some sort of birth defect/disease.
Here's the link to the article: Birth-Defect Risk Higher with Fertility Treatments
Finally, my last thoughts are of God. Where is He in this situation? What is His will? How do I know for SURE that we're following Him and His plan?! Are we making a big mistake moving forward?
Please pray for us.
In the midst of all of this major life upheaval....life still must go on. Besides, if we're going to have a baby, I have a LOT of painting to finish! Now, if I can just get my head out of the clouds and my butt off the couch...
For now, I guess I'll allow myself a couple of days to grieve...the painting can wait another day...
Did you notice that in this study women were just as likely to have birth defects if they spontaneously became pregnant as if they did the ICSI/ They put it this way: “We can now state that a cycle of a single fresh embryo transfer with I.V.F. and, if necessary, followed by the transfer of a frozen embryo will result in no significant additional risk above that of a spontaneous conception,”
ReplyDeleteI have not read the whole study yet but I noticed one math thing that some people might misinterpret. The report says that "there was a 28 percent greater risk for birth defects in babies conceived with fertility treatment" Some would read that to say that 28% of those who have treatment will have birth defects - and that would be a misreading. The CDC says that about one in 33 babies is born with a birth defect (http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/birthdefects/index.html) That means 3 percent. If those who do treatment have a 28% higher rate that means that their rate is a little less than 4 babies with birth defects out of 100 instead of 3 babies out of 100. You probably already saw that. But some people misread the numbers and think that 28% means a huge increase. Going from 3 to 4 babies out of a hundred is significant, but guess what, every one of us made a bigger jump when we decided to have a baby at all and thereby went from zero to 3 out of a hundred possibilities of a birth defect.
Sometimes when I do explanations like that my church people tell me I sound like "Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah." Sorry if that's the case here.
Yes, that makes total sense. I actually found a page on the website for the fertility center that we'll be going to. Here is what they say:
ReplyDelete"Birth Defects
The baseline risk of a major birth defect for all children in the United States is 3-5%. IVF pregnancies have an approximate 1-2% higher chance of having a major birth defect (predominately cardiovascular and musculoskeletal abnormalities)."
At this point it's really unclear if the slight increased risk for birth defects is due to the procedure itself, or if there is an increase simply because the parents were 'infertile' and there is some genetic abnormality that would have caused the birth defect had they actually been able to get pregnant on their own.
The jury is still out for me. Hopefully we'll have out first appointment with our RE in a couple of weeks and he'll be able to shed more light on the subject.
Hi Paula,
ReplyDeleteJust wondered - are you saying that God isn't big enough to be Lord over science? If God is Lord over life and death, then He is Lord over life and death. God is the provider of all wisdom - Trust in the Lord to guide your steps as you travel this part of the journey. Trust that He will open and shut doors for you both.
pb
Pb,
DeleteI am absolutely not saying that God isn't Lord over science. However...sometimes I wonder. I've been thinking a lot in the last few days...is my faith strong enough to carry me through? No...but God is strong enough to pick me up when I've fallen and carry me even when I don't have the strength.
I know in my head that God can do miracles. Do I believe in my heart that he is going to do a miracle in this situation? Well...the answer is no. Hopefully someday I'll be able to stop being mad and start fully trusting, but for now, I just don't.
I think the main reason for that is because God has had PLENTY of opportunities to heal my husband, but He hasn't. Why? I have no clue. So I sort of feel like, if He hasn't already healed him, why would He start doing it now? Pessimistic? Yes. That’s my honest feeling right now.
I hope people don’t read this and thing…boy, she’s some Christian. My husband and I believe with all of our hearts that Jesus is our Lord, Savior…and even Healer. We each have our own relationship with God, and so I suppose that, as with any relationship, we’re entitled to be mad. Right now, I’m mad!
Ok, I’ll stop now since my reply is turning into another post! I have every intention of addressing my issues with God in another post, but for now, I’m not ready to deal with it!
I can understand you questioning God's plan and anger. I have been doing that for a long time. My husband and I have been TTC for a long time and we were just diagnosed infertile as well. I think that whatever we decide, God will be there to help us. I think it is more learning and accepting and patience then anything. God would not give us anything we couldn't handle.
ReplyDeleteIVF is a very expensive gamble. Go with your gut and do what feels right for you and your husband. There are many things that happen in life that are unfair and horrible, but what have we learned from everything? I don't like that I have had a lot of hurt and heartbreak in my life, but if it wouldn't have happened, where would I be then? I would be so naive to many things and unable to relate to anything. This infertility thing will make you stronger and show you that you can handle almost anything. Whether you get a baby out of this process or not, you will learn a lot about things and yourself. You will be able to be there for others going through similar situations and teach them.
I wish you luck and will be bookmarking your blog to follow your journey. I will be praying for you!
LM
LM - Thanks so much for your encouragment! I needed it! I do feel that God will guide us, I'm just hoping I'll be able to hear Him correctly.
DeleteYou also reminded me of something that I used to say to myself. Growing up I made a lot of decisions that I wish I could take back. Since I obviously can't do that, I prayed that one day God would use my experiences to teach other young women. I've also prayed that same prayer about my marriage...so I will pray it once again for my infertility journey.
Thanks again for that reminder!